Nothing but a Distant Memory
by elegance-is-not-required
Summary: I traveled to a new city, leaving everything behind to pursue my dreams. My girlfriend, Maya, was the only one that kept me going. She made me feel whole. But when betrayal, shock, and fear enter my life, what do I have left?
1. Prologue

**Why am I starting a new story? lol**

**I LOVE LOVE LOVE CAM. And plus I've lost inspiration for Maybe I Was Wrong(Don't worry, it shall continue on!)**

**Andddddddddddd**

**yeah**

**This is pretty short but it's just to give you an idea of what this story is going to be about**

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**Prologue**

"I'm pregnant"

Her face showed a serious expression, nothing except sorrow and regret. I didn't know what to do; Whether to hold her or run. Of course I would never run from my responsibility's like a coward but I was still a kid. No matter how manly I could try to be at that moment there was absolutely no way I could handle this. A 15 year old isn't meant to handle these types of problems-at least I know that now. I was scared out of my damn mind! I didn't intend on traveling all the way from my home and family, leaving them behind to come specifically for hockey,_not_ for getting a girl pregnant.

I'm not to sure exactly how long I stayed quiet for, but it was enough to make her start crying. I'd never seen anyone cry so hard in my life, not even my mom cried this much when I left. She tried to hide her face behind her hair but it was no use. Her lips were chapped, eyes blood shot, and an eerie feeling of dread that just hung over her.

"Are you going to say anything, Cam?" She whispered as she refused to make eye contact with me. Now I remember feeling a slight sting at her words and actions. I don't know why but I did. It was stupid I know but I thought we knew each other well enough to know that when I was silent, that meant I was just thinking. So I did what I did best, I stayed quiet. The longer I didn't speak the more she broke down. I knew she must have been terrified and she had a right to be, everything was going to change.

_And boy did it._

Maybe I should start from the beginning? There's just too much to tell. It started with my beautiful girlfriend, Maya, and _her_. Let me refer to her as Jeannette. I don't want to give anyone's real names out, in case someone were to get a hold of this. Now that would be disastrous. Plus, this whole writing down my problems is apart of my recovery; At least that's what my therapist told me.

Anyway, Jeanette is an important part in my story as well as Maya.

Now my recovery is a completely different story yet still a major contributing factor in all of this. So I'll leave that long and depressing tale of my teenage life for later on. Don't worry it'll happen. I'd like to write this all down in chronological order, so in a way you can see what I dealt with and what caused me to come to this point.

This isn't gonna be some stupid diary plot out of The Perks of Being a Flower or whatever that movie's called. God, Maya loved that movie. I couldn't stand it, but anything to make her smile and laugh was good enough for me. I may not have remembered anything about the movie but I sure as hell remembered every little giggle that came out of her as she snuggled up next to me in the theater. She could not stop talking about that movie for a long_ long_ time. But like I said, as long as she was happy, then I was happy. Plus she put up with all my hockey talk and games so I guess it was only fair that I listened to her.

I'm getting off topic here. The point is, my life has been one crazy mess, hell it still is. Writing this out-how my therapist described it-"Will give me a way to sort through my problems and come to a full circle in my recovery."

I still don't believe how writing everything down can be a useful tool in "solving my problems". Although it has been said that writing your issues down is easier than it is to say it. Maybe there is some truth behind that, because no matter how much I love my family I could never sit down and tell them everything. First of all there wouldn't be enough time and second of all, it's just too painful to relive it like that. After all of my therapy appointments I'm always worn out. Talking about my problems is very exhausting. I don't know why but it just is.

I'll give this little experiment a shot, who knows maybe this might actually work.

Now let me just start from the beginning, when I made it official with Maya...

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**Did you like it :D **

**I hope so**

**I am trying very hard to write from Cam's perspective and talk the way he would. Now this is hint hint future Cam talking. I myself have gone through, and still am, the same things he is experiencing. It's touching really. So hopefully I can express how I feel as well as show the struggles Cam is trying to over come. **

**Reviews mean a lot!**

**P.S I love Perks of Being a Wallflower. That's partly the inspiration for this story. **


	2. New Things

**Here's chapter 1! I was so excited to get this out there!**

**Enjoy :D**

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**8 Months Earlier**

"You ready for the game tonight?" Dallas asked me. That day actually started off pretty good, okay actually it was very _very_ good. I got in some early Facetime with my mom and my little sister. We got a sub in homeroom, which meant we did little to no work at all. Then during free period I was lucky enough to spend it with Maya. Just me and her.

The thing is when Maya and I were together, we didn't do what normal couples our age did. You guys know what I mean right? Making out _with_ tongue, touching each other in your private areas. Yeah, that kind of stuff.

Now I'm guessing you're probably wondering what Maya and I did then, right? We would just talk. Talk about anything and everything, also cuddle, and maybe share a soft kiss here and there. It was nice, still makes me smile to this day.

Again, I'm getting off topic

"Yeah man, totally stoked." I replied with a small smile. Dallas smirked at me as he patted me on the back.

"Alright, see you on the ice rookie."

To be honest I was nervous as hell. I never really got to finish explaining what happened between Maya and I. Well during our free period the conversation came up about doing "things". Now at that age I was really naive when it came to sexual innuendos; Completely fucking clueless.

I had pressed on, asking "What "things" did you have in mind?" At this point my hands were clammy, my throat ran dry, and my heart was beat loudly in my chest.

She playfully rolled her eyes at me, moving a little closer. Her mouth was directly next to my ear as she whispered.

"Make out?"

She let out one of her cute laughs and held onto my bicep, squeezing it a little. Maya and I have only kissed. She was my first kiss. I didn't even know how to make out. I remember when I was younger I saw my parents kissing very aggressively, but it was only for a few seconds, then I turned and left. Later on I had asked my brother about it, describing what they were doing. He just laughed and told me that's what grown up's do. He even said that I would do that eventually when I found a nice, pretty girl. Of course I told him I would never do something like that, it's just nasty! I was only 6, okay? Although now I have a some what better understanding, thanks to Rated R movies and of course my teammates and their puck buddies.

"Oh. Yeah, 'make out'. I'm so up for that." I said nervously. Maya had caught on to the tension in my voice, plus I'm pretty sure my body position and face gave it away.

"Cam, you alright? If you're not ready than I'm okay with it, I promise. I just figured that we were at that point in our relationship—Forget I asked."

"No, no Maya, it's not that I don't want to it's just—I don't know _how_ to." She raised her eye brows at me. Her face broke out into a smile as she, once again, leaned in close to me.

"Neither do I. But isn't that the fun part? Learning?" At that point I felt really nauseated and light headed. Before I was about to reply to her, the bell went off—Thank God. As I stood up from my seat I talked over the loud chatting from everyone around me.

"Meet me after the game tonight. My host family won't be home until Monday morning. Sound good?"Maya smiled nodding her head.

"I can't wait!"

xxx

_"30 seconds left on the clock!"_

_"Baker passes to Milligan!"_

_"Will Milligan make the shot?"_

_"Oh! Milligan is slammed into the wall by Martinez; Ice Hounds coach is calling a time out!"_

I looked around at the whole arena, seeing the crowds of people, searching for Maya. The game was almost over and I couldn't stop thinking about what was going to happen afterwards.

"Yo Milligan what the hell was that?" Our coach shouted at Owen.

"I had it coach I swear I did!" I hated Owen. He was just a cocky little bastard that was only out for himself. Especially when it came to girls, as long as he could get it in he was happy.

I watched my coach relay a series of commands on what we were supposed to do. As much as I wanted to listen my mind kept drifting back to Maya. I looked over the crowd, searching for a familiar head of blonde hair. As I was looking for her, a girl Cam up to the plastic divider and pounded on it, smiling and jumping.

"Go Cam!" She continued to shout. I felt a strong hand on my back that caused me to turn around.

"You got this kid, go do it! Make me proud!" Even though I didn't hear a word coach said I just nodded along.

I skated away from the from the girl, positioning myself near the center focusing on the game. That's when everything faded out, I set my site on the puck.

Passed from Dallas to Luke.

Luke struggled as the opposing offensive team grew closer to him.

He shouted my name, I nodded, the puck flew towards me. I skated with all my might towards the goal, dodging defensive players. The goal was in plain sight.

So I went for it.

_"Goal! The Toronto Ice Hounds strike again! Campbell Saunders, makes the winning goal!"_

The whole team shouted at me, chanting my name. I smiled as I found the time to search for Maya once again. And I finally spotted her! She was standing and cheering alongside Tori, Zig, and Tristan. That made me happier than hearing a thousand people chanting my name.

As the crowd started to die down, the team and I made our way off of the ice. As I made it off I removed my helmet. Reporters were in my face and flashing lights from the numerous cameras. I kept my mouth guard in, biting down on it, hoping to calm my nerves as I pushed through the people.

"Cam! Cam! Over here!" I looked over seeing the same girl from earlier. She had long brown hair that was curled and was wearing a copy of my jersey.

Most teen boys would have loved getting attention like that from a girl but I just found it really weird and awkward.

"I'm so proud of you Cam." I heard Maya shout as she jumped on me, giving me a tight hug. I smiled removing my mouth guard, returning her hug.

"Thanks!" I laughed as Tori, Zig, and Tristen all congratulated me. I felt Maya lean in closer to me, her hand placed on my neck.

"I cannot wait for later!" As she placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

I don't know what was exactly going through my head that made me so confident but I leaned towards Maya kissing her, cupping her face in my hands. The kiss lasted longer than it ever had. I was lost in it.

xxx

"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked Maya nervously. She shook her head, biting her lip. We were both slightly scared about what was next to come.

Who was going to make the first move? The man should right?

I looked over at her, at the same time that she looked at me. The knot in my throat grew when I decided to make the first move. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as I moved closer to her. She straightened up, a small smile appeared on her face. I leaned down a little and cupped her face, like I had done after the game.

Then our lips met.

I made our kiss just like all of our kisses but the only problem was keeping up our pace, as well as adding our tongues into the mix.

Our lips started to move like they never have before; I was seriously getting into it. I turned my body towards her, our pace started to increase. My hand that stayed dormant on her cheek moved it's way down to her neck, feeling her soft and smooth skin. I started to get worked up by all of this. I got a little too ahead of myself. I moved my tongue and tried to fit it into her mouth.

Maya panicked throwing herself back, covering her mouth. I backed away from her running my hands through my hair. My cheeks burned read from embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry—I got worked up. I was really getting into it. I should've—I don't know!" I said breathless.

I didn't expect this to happen at all.

I leaned down resting my elbows on my knees and holding my head in my hands. I was so stupid, so fucking stupid.

"Cam, it's okay." Maya said quietly.

"No it's not Maya! I should know this!" I moved and rested back against the couch, rubbing my face.

"I failed miserably at this! For God sakes I just tried to shove my tongue down your throat!"

Maya moved closer to me, her hand rested on my arm in a soothing way. "Cam..I'm knew to this whole thing too."

I raised my head looking over at her. "I know Maya-"

"Hold that thought." She said with a mischievous smile, as she leaped from the couch.

What the hell was she up to?

I saw her reappear with a magazine in her hand. Oh no, this wasn't just any magazine it was Sizzle Teen. My cousin reads this all the time. It's so stupid. All they do is give you the crappiest advice known to man.

"No, Maya. Sizzle Teen isn't going to teach us how to make out." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Oh be quiet, you never know. It wouldn't hurt to try." Maya flipped open the magazine, going directly to a book marked page. I guess she had this all planned out. She knew I wouldn't be able to French kiss my own girlfriend.

"Okay, okay. Sizzle Teen says you need to 'create the mood'" She looked around smiling.

"The mood is set!" I leaned in closer, getting a good look at the page. The title of the article said:

'_How to have that special kiss with that special someone ;)_'

Maya looked up at me. "One step down just..3 more to go!" Was it really necessary to go through all the steps? She looked over at me and pointed to step number two. I leaned in closer reading it out loud.

"Once the mood is set, get close with him. Make sure there is no one around. It should be just you and your man." Maya moved closer to me and rested her head against my shoulder.

I guess this stupid magazine made her happy. Might as well go along with it.

"Step number three. Lean in close to each other, make sure he places his hand on your neck. Now let him kiss you, just as you two normally would."

Maya removed her head from my shoulder and leaned in closer to me. I placed my hand on her neck and _kissed her just like I normally would_.

She pulled back smiling, my hand was still resting on her neck. Eager to continue I asked her to read step four.

"O-Okay. Step 4. As you two begin to build up some passion and you feel ready enough either you or him (but let's just assume it's you!) may lightly swipe your tongue along his lip. This will indicate you want to branch out from the normal kissing. And there you have it! You're going to French kiss."

Maya placed the magazine on the floor and assumed the position. I leaned forward and captured her lips in a sweet kiss. She smiled through the kiss as we slowly built up our speed. We were both hungry for each other.

That's when it happened. She swiped her tongue along my lip. I quickly allowed her to enter my mouth. At that very moment our tongues touched. It felt weird at first, but after a short while it was amazing.

Now let me make this very clear! This is the one and only time I'll ever say this but thank you Sizzle Teen.

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**Ah yes, sizzle teen. Giving teenagers advice on so many things :3**

**If you liked it please tell me! Your reviews mean a lot!**


	3. Sweet Nothing

I have completely lost faith in everything that has to do with Eclare.

But I got re-inspired with the possible Cam plot.

So

-insert amazing pickup line-

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_**"Sweet Nothing"**_

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I walked through Degrassi, a small jump to my step as I hummed for no apparent reason. I couldn't help the great mood that I was in. Last night had been a success! A little rocky at first but definitely worth it. I feel so much more confident today-more than I ever have in my entire life!

I passed by a few fellow students in the hallways, some girls gossiping, some guys snickering or telling me I did a great job last night. Okay, it may be a little bad that I'm not as excited about the game last night as I am about making out with Maya but who the hell cares? Wouldn't any guy out there be happy about making out with their a amazingly gorgeous girlfriend for the first time. I'll just leave out the part of us using Sizzle Teen as a guide.

A smile spread across my face as I saw her. Her blond hair neatly put up, as she talked in an animated fashion with Tristan. _She's probably talking about last night_

"Hey, girlfriend" I said with a little hitch to my voice, as I wrapped one arm around her shoulders. She blushed, wrapping one of her arms around my waist. Tristan had a coy look on his face as he held onto his backpack strap a little tighter.

"Look at the happy couple, seems like you two love birds had fun last night!" He said with a small laugh. I turned and looked down at Maya, seeing her cheeks burn an even brighter shade of red. My stomach fluttered at her sheepish behavior. Maya always did this to me, even before we started dating. And I know she will continue to do this to me until the day I die. Something about her is just so damn special. Can't quite put my finger on it, but nonetheless, I'm glad.

Ever since I met her she's made everything so much better-more than she could ever understand. She gives me the strength to move on each and every day. No one's ever done that to me before.

I can honestly say she makes me a better person.

"Yeah, well we make a great couple don't we?" Maya said, joining in with Tristan's playful behavior. I smiled joining in with a peppy voice "We so do!"

After the laughter died down, and all jokes aside I turned to Maya giving her a special good morning kiss. She smiled at me, tapping my nose.

"And what was that for Mr. Cam?" I smirked shrugging.

"I'm not allowed to kiss my girlfriend?" The three of us continued to laugh again. There was a calm silence between the three of us.

"Well alright children, I best be off. Don't wanna be late, ugh, Tori will kill me-again!" Tristan laughed as he walked away while waving at Maya and patting me on the shoulder. As he walked away he turned around shouting at us.

"See you two sweet hearts in French, _au revoir!_" He blew us a couple of air kisses before turning around and continuing through the halls. I smiled turning to face Maya as she released herself from me to unlock her locker. I fell against the lockers beside her, watching as she gathered a few thing.

"Watcha doing?" I said in a playful tone as I pursed my lips at her. She laughed, replying "Oh, I don't know. Baking you cake I guess."

"Mmm, yum!" I said turning on my side. I ran my hands through her soft blonde hair a she smiled.

"Oh, I won't be in French today-And I might not be there for lunch either." She turned to look at me with a frown on her face while giving me a confused look. Before she could anwser I gave a quick reply.

"I have some hockey related business to take care of. Some newspapers wants to interview us for something. I don't really know too much about it. Sounds boring though." I stated as I ran my hands through my hair pushing myself away from the lockers after removing my hand from her hair.

"I hope you're not mad." I questioned, closely watching her. I knew she couldn't be upset over me not seeing her much today, she wasn't that kind of girl. But on the other hand I knew she'd miss me. What with, her band Whisperhug being on a short break and Tori still complaining over her break up with Zig. Not to mention her sister, Katie, with her crazy problems.

"No I'm not, don't worry." Maya said with a soft smile. "Try not to say anything stupid in the interview, cheesy." I smiled, watching her close her locker, as she faced me. She readjusted her backpack as there was a silence filling between us.

I hated these moments-regardless of who it was with.

So I spoke up.

"So how's uh-Katie?"

"She's fine, same as usual. Complaining about Jake, using every excuse to get out of house work." Maya said with a slight eye roll. I nodded my head as I looked at me feet for a moment, ready to reply, when the bell rang.

Saved by the bell, I guess?

I walked closer to her, giving her a small kiss on the lips.

"Why don't you come meet me during lunch in the gym. I have to stay there with the rest of the team but I don't think they'll mind if you tag along." Maya smiled and eagerly nodded her head.

"I will most definitely be there. I don't think I can stand Tori going on and on about Zig anymore."

"Alright, well I'll see you then." I stepped away from her, walking backwards as she walked the opposite direction, heading for her class. As she turned the corner she gave me a little wave and headed off to homeroom. As I turned around I crashed into a passing bystander.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" A somewhat scratchy voice called out. The girl hurried to the ground to collect her books and other items that had fallen.

I slowly crouched to the floor, picking up a few papers and pencils, neatly gathering them up for her. Her hazel eyes peeked through the light brown limp strands that hung in front of her face. Her eyes widened as she shook her hair away from her face, dropping everything on the ground. Again.

"You're Cam! Campbell Saunders! The star hockey player of the Toronto Ice Hounds!" She blushed and covered her mouth with both her hands.

I began to panic, leaning back slightly, while tightening the grip on her pencils. I swallowed a nervous lump.

"Yeah, that's-that's me." I said with a nervous laugh, avoiding all eye contact with her.

Suddenly she began to just laugh. It wasn't an evil witch cackle, more of an embarrassed-excited-haha, type of laugh. You know what I mean right?

"I look like an idiot don't I?" No, yes. Okay yeah you do. But just a little.

"Nah." I said as I turned the corner of my lips downward, while shaking my head. "I've looked worse before. So I'm guessing you're a big fan?" I said with slight hesitation. Hopefully on the inside she was a calm fan. Maybe I'll just sign her notebook, shirt, or whatever and then we can both carry on with our lives.

"Of course!" She said with an enthusiastic grin. I'm guessing she's not.

"That's really great." I awkwardly handed her the pencils and the pieces of paper.

"What-oh, that's right! My stuff. Thanks so much Mr. Saunders." The girl ended her sentence with a small giggle.

Oh boy.

I patted my legs quickly standing up as she hurried to collect the rest of her items, stuffing them into her messenger bag. With small difficulty, she stood up, facing me for the first time.

"Well I better get going-" I started to say before she cut me off.

"Ah, why!" I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

"No no, I'm sorry go ahead. Go on. I'm sorry." She said while shaking her head and looking down at her feet.

"I really need to stop being such crazy fan girl. I'm just super star struck right now. I mean you're just my favorite hockey player of all time and right now I'm acting like a complete idiot! I've just wanted to meet you for so long and even though we go to the same school I've never had the chance. Last night I was actually able to get good tickets to see the game-"

Wait, she was at the game?

"You were there last night?" I asked, cutting her off. Although I don't think she cared.

"Yeah I was. Sporting a copy of your amazing jersey."

She was that girl!

_"Go Cam!"_

_"Cam! Cam! Over here!"_

I scratched the back of my head before replying. "I think I might have possibly seen you-"

"Really? Oh my God that is so cool!"

"Yeah. I wasn't really paying much attention to anyone. My girlfriend was there and I really wanted to see her." I swear, once I mentioned Maya her face dropped.

"Girlfriend?" I nodded my head, sticking my hands in my pocket. She stood there,quiet, for a few moments. So I decided to speak up. If she has a problem with me having a girlfriend, then her being a supposed "fan" of mine is completely fake.

"Does that bother you?" I pressed, my demeanor changing.

"No, it just surprises me. I mean look at you-you're gorgeous! I'm just scared someone would, you know, use you for your star potential." I rolled my eyes as I began to walk away. Who the hell does she think she is? Maya would never do that me. Sure in the beginning I thought that would happen but that wasn't the case. Maya likes me for me.

I had absolutely no time for this crap.

xxx

"So what's it like being apart of Toronto Ice Hounds?" The journalist, whose name I just learned was Anna, asked as she leaned towards me. During the earlier parts of the interview, Dallas did a large portion of the talking. Which is understandable, him being the team captain and all.

And then she zeroed in on me.

"Crazy, I guess." I said as I slouched further in my seat.

"Well I'd imagine! All the girls swooning over a hot new hockey player. It must be intimidating." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Uh, kinda." Dallas laughed off to the side of me.

"He's unaffected by all the girls throwing themselves at him." He joked as the reporter laughed along, redirecting her attention to me.

"I have a girlfriend." I spit out, mentally face palming myself.

"Oh you do?" The reporter smiled a wide toothy grin.

"Yeah. Her name's Maya. She's really great. If anyone puts up with the most of my hockey baggage it would be her." A light smile danced across my face at the thought of her.

"Seems as though she has you smitten." I sheepishly nodded my head feeling my face heat up.

"She's pretty great." I whispered, playing with fabric of my pants.

I heard Anna stand up and the small click meaning she turned off her recorder. The rest of the team around me stood up to say good bye to her. I eventually followed along and stood, waiting for her to make her way to me.

"It was very nice meeting you Cam. You have a good day now. And tell your girlfriend I would love an interview with her. The girlfriend's point of view will give everyone a whole new perspective behind the hockey time." And with saying that, she was off. Her shoes made a lowed clicking sound as they connected with the hard gym floor. But I was grateful she was gone. Anna seemed like a very nice lady I just hate interviews.

I walked over to large set of bleachers, falling on one of the sets resting back. 10 minutes and Maya would be here for lunch. I couldn't wait to see her.

"Having fun rookie?" I turned my head towards Dallas, shrugging my shoulders.

"Just resting." I stated in a monotone. Dallas walked closer, taking a seat next to me.

"You handled that interview really well. I know you get a little nervous over these things but just relax, okay? Don't do anything stupid and you'll be okay." I looked over at Dallas, seeing some softness to his eyes. I could never tell if Dallas genuinely cared for me or not. Or if he cared for anyone for that matter. He always had these moments of being a complete ass to me, then out of nowhere, much like now, he's giving me some advice.

Dallas smiled over at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You'll be just fine, rookie." I smiled lightly, quickly whipping my head towards the back exits of the gymnasium. And there she was. Dallas nodded at me jumping up from his seat and walked off.

"Hey you!" Her angelic voice rang.

"Hey" I said softly.

"How's the hockey day been for ya?" Maya said while taking a seat next to me.

"It's alright, nothing too important." I felt leaving out the part with Anna. Maya wouldn't be up for it. And even if she was, I wouldn't want her to get involved. You know, just in case something happened.

"Well good. So does this mean you'll be able to go to karaoke night with Tristan?" Maya inquired, a slight pout on her lips. I smiled looking down at my lap and back up to her beautiful face.

I nodded, "Sure! I mean we had a lot of fun last time. Why not!" As Maya was laughing I happened to look towards the gym doors seeing a face.

It was the girl from the hallway and the game.

Who the hell is she?

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_**Review, review, review!**_

**I really want to know if you guys like this story. Your feedback is very, very, very important to me!**

Oh and really quick. Starting from now on (in this story..And maybe my others) I'll be naming each chapter after a song.

Question time! Who is Sweet Nothing by?


	4. Sight of the Sun

Yep! The last song was by Calvin Harris and Florence Welch!

This chapter is based off the song, Sight of the Sun. But by who?

I love knowing if people listen to the same music as me!

Anyway here you go bitches

**Quick note:** There may be some spelling errors, I tried my best!

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_**"Sight of the Sun**__**"**_

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"-You sure you're not eating any ice cream? At all? I can't handle a mid-night phone call that you're vomiting." I stared at the camera on my Ipad's screen rolling my eyes and making a face.

"No! Of course not! You think I like throwing up? I've learned my lesson!" My mom laughed and nodded her head.

"Alright sweetie, I'll believe you." She paused for a moment before sighing heavily. I could see the shiny tears in her eyes. She was holding back her pain; I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I love my mom so much, I hate to see her this upset. Some days I actually think that I should just come home and call it quits just so my mom can smile a little brighter. And maybe, we could be a family again, but I don't see that happening. Ever.

Too much has changed over my short stay here in Toronto. My sisters call me up to tell me how mom stays up all night worrying about me. I should probably elaborate. See I hurt myself one time, now it's not like I hurt myself during practice or anything. It was after practice, involving my ice skate. And my hand. Long story short I-it was the first time I self harmed. But it would just be the beginning of a dangerous path I was headed down. Which ultimately brought me here but that's neither here nor there.

My host mom found blood lines on the inside of my grey sweatshirt, and next thing I knew my mom was calling me nonstop asking if I was alright, practically begging me to come home.

Needless to say I didn't talk to my host mom for a long time. Instead of going straight to my mom she should have talked to me first. I would have told her eventually. Going through such severe emotional pain is so difficult. I didn't need her getting involved like that.

Anyway, my mom's been torn up about it. I pleaded with her and told her that, yes it was true, but I had stopped. It just went on for a month. But I guess the thoughts are still not out of her mind that I would do it again. Than again, I don't blame her.

And that is the truth so far. I haven't cut for a solid 2 months. And partly the reason for that is Maya. She still doesn't know that I had hurt myself, and maybe I don't want her to ever know. I couldn't bare hurting another person that I loved.

I stared into my mother's eyes through the computer screen. My fingers lightly grazed the illuminated screen.

"Mom." I paused for a moments, collecting myself. I racked my brain, trying to find something that could calm her down.

"Please, just-just don't cry. I hate seeing you cry." I whispered. She wiped her cheeks as a new fresh set of tears came rushing down.

"I promise you, I'm fine. I'm better. I was just going through something, but Maya's been helping me. She really has. She makes me happy. Hell she's the only thing that's kept me sane since then." She nodded her head, again, wiping her cheeks.

"I-I know Cammy, I know. That girl is very special to you. And I can see the change in you, I really can. I just hate knowing that I can't help you."

"But mom you do, more than you could even understand! You've let me travel across the country to a different city, just so I could play hockey. Most mom's wouldn't allow that. You're great to my siblings-just promise me you'll take care of them. I know you already do but, you worrying about me so much is taking a toll on them. I'm okay, if I wasn't I would be on the next flight home." Maybe the last part was a bit of a white lie, but I wanted her to understand how I felt. There was strong truth behind my words.

My mother sighed covering her face with her left hand, her wedding wing glistened in the light. She rubbed her face, closing her eyes.

"I understand, but I just worry. I'm your mother and, this is very, _very_ hard for me."

"I know it's hard for me too, mom. I miss you guys each and every day." She gave me a small smile, before running her hands through her hair.

"So how's Maya?" She was clearly changing the subject but I doubt either of us really cared.

"She's good, she good." I said with a smile on my face, which in return made her smile.

"I'm glad! Do I get to meet her sometime?" She asked with a hopeful look.

"Uh-yeah sure. I don't see why not." I blushed, while I hung my head low.

"Aw, my little man is in love!" My mom laughed while watching the blush cascade across my face.

"Stop it!" I muttered, a grin slowly forming on my face.

After my mom's laughter died down her eyes flickered across our living room. Well it's not mine anymore-her living room.

She sighed before looking into the webcam, "I have to go pickup your sister from swimming practice, I love you and we can talk tomorrow okay? If you ever feel bad-"

"-To call you whenever, at any time of the day, I know mom. Tell her I said hi okay? Give her a hug and a big kiss for me."

"Okay, Cammy, I love you."

"I love you too mommy."

And with a click of a button, she was gone.

I don't know how long I stayed there, staring at a blank screen. The sun was setting as the glare reflected from the computer screen slowly dimmed.

I tugged at the sleeve of my Ice Hounds jacket, revealing the small thin lines of my shattered past. There were no fresh cuts but a few were still pink, a little mound covering the skin, as my body tried to healed the damage I had created.

How many were there?

5? Maybe 8?

I didn't like to keep track. Each one held a memory; A story that could easily be relived. The emotion could return with a vengeance, wreaking havoc on my fragile mind and slowly breaking body.

Each line had a different look to it, different placement, and different depth.

I closed my eyes, feeling the overwhelming urge, from the pit of my stomach, to grab a razor I had hidden in my mattress and have one more go at it.

The urge would always be there. I just wish I knew how to make it go away.

Forever.

xxx

"So I told Zig 'Leave me the hell alone, I know you were cheating on me' and he just didn't listen." Tori ranted as she flicked a piece of salad around her plate. I held onto my ham sandwich, while taking an occassional bite while listening to Tori talk. She was hard to tune out.

"Can you guys believe that? He's such an ass. He lied to me." She stabbed her apple with a nearby pencil, while clenching her teeth. She layed back against the hard cafeteria table, crossing her arms.

For a beauty queen, she sure has a temper.

Then again, I would be pissed too if my girlfriend cheated on me.

"Tor, it's okay." Maya piped in as she put a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth.

"Zig knows what he did was wrong and he's sorry. Believe me."

"He shouldn't have done that in the first place." Tori mumbled.

"Just think about this, you can now get a new boyfriend! Find someone else, someone better! And I'll make sure Zig knows about it." A slow smile crept up on Tori's face.

"You'd do that? For me?" Maya reached across the table grabbing Tori's hand. "Of course." She said softly.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Tori said all giddy. I rolled my eyes watching her.

"You know there's that cute guy down at The Dot he's always been looking at me and he bought me that cup of tea once. Maybe he'd want to go on a date-"

"Of course Tor! Why wouldn't he?"

"Yeah." I chimmed in. The both of them looked at me. Did they not know I was here?

"I mean, you're beautiful. And any guy out there would-uh, want to date you." I said slowly. Maya smiled while Tori's eyes welled up as she fanned her face, placing one hand on her chest.

"See Tori, even Cam agrees!" Tori then jumped up from her seat and leaned towards me giving me a tight hug. She leaned over and gave me a slight peck on my cheek.

Maya laughed while watching what was going on. "Cam?"

All three of our heads snapped towards the voice.

Her.

It was _her_.

Tori slowly pulled herself away from me, going back to her spot. Her eyes never once left the girl. My eyes flickered over to Maya as gave me a confused look.

I didn't want to say anything, I had nothing to say to her. I didn't even know her name, and to be honest, I didn't care to know either.

"Can I help you?" Maya questioned the girl. The girl looked over at Maya, examining her from head to toe. There wasn't a disgusted look on her face nor were there any hints of her disliking Maya but I still felt this weird vibe from her.

"Um, no. I just needed to talk to Cam for second." I looked up at her.

"Well I don't want to talk to you." I said as I took a bite of my sandwich.

"Cam! Don't be rude!" Maya harshly whispered to me. Tori shot me an surprised look.

"What! I don't wanna talk to her." I said still chewing my sandwich.

"Well why not?"

"Because there's nothing to say, Maya. Just leave it alone okay." I gave Maya a look hoping she would understand as I took another bite of my sandwich, casting my eyes downward.

"Please Cam?" The girl pleaded once again.

"No! Alright I said no! How can you not understand that?!" I shouted at her, standing up from my chair. My breathing was heavy as I felt everyone in the cafeteria look at me. Do you think I cared?

"Now can you please leave. I want to enjoy my lunch with my _girlfriend_ and her best friend." I said putting emphasis on the girlfriend part.

The girl chewed on her lip a little before nodding at me and walking away. I looked at the rest of the students as they just stared at me. I dropped my sandwich on the table and took my seat. After a few moments of silence I spoke up.

"Yeah, so maybe The Dot guy will ask you out, Tori."

The both of them just looked at me, surprised by my reaction, yet they didn't want to question it.

But they probably should have.

xxx

_"__I knew you were trouble when you walked in__  
So shame on me now  
Flew me to places I'd never been  
So you put me down oh  
I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
So shame on me now  
Flew me to places I'd never been  
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground  
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble  
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble"_

Maya's beautiful voice rang as she played her guitar. Her perfectly polished nails gracefully held her guitar pick as she played her favorite song. She always surprised me how well she could play. I mean, I'm not just saying that because I'm her boyfriend, she's truly a talented musician.

I laid back on my bed watching her as she sat at the edge of my bed continuing to play. Every so often she would look up at me and give me a shy look. I would smile back at her as she continued to play.

_"__I knew you were trouble when you walked in__  
Trouble, trouble, trouble  
I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
Trouble, trouble, trouble!__"_

I clapped my hands, leaning forward, applauding her performance. She smiled brightly at me as she put her guitar down next to her.

"You were great, than again you always are." She blushed as I reached for her hand, grabbing it gently, while placing a soft and tender kiss on her smooth hand.

"Thanks." She muttered breathlessly. I moved closer to her, her hand still in mine.

"So Cam-"

"Yes?" I replied looking over at her.

"Who was that girl at lunch." I closed my eyes taking a deep breath.

"Cam can you tell me what's going on? I've never seen you act like that before."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Cam I'm your girlfriend, tell me what's going on. I'm worried." I smiled a bit at her words, but still felt weird telling her.

I still cannot remember why I acted like that. Why was that such a big deal? She only said something to insult Maya but altogether she was a bit of a creep. I guess I just didn't want Maya to worry about me more than she already did.

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, out of habit, I leaned into her embrace.

"She's just a creep. Yesterday I bumped into her in hallway and she knew who I was. I felt weird you know. She was my 'fan'. You know how weird I feel about that stuff."

"So? What's the problem?" She questioned. I removed myself from her, grabbing her hand once again in the process.

"She said that I should watch myself when it comes to girls. That some of them could be out for my fame or whatever." I can't exactly remember word-for-word what she said but that's what I was able to get from it. She was sticking her big fangirl nose into my business. She's a fan and it needs to stay that way.

"That's all she said to you?" I nodded my head .

"That's not much Cam? Besides, she probably just didn't want to see you go down a bad road. I mean if she's a fan like you say she is, then she probably just really cares. Hell, I wouldn't want Ryan Gosling dating someone that was just gonna use him!" A smile spread across my face as we both laughed.

"Better?"

"Yeah." I whispered, looking up at her. She gave me a sheepish grin as she leaned forward and gave me a small peck on my lips.

"How about we rest?" I released her hand while laying back on my bed, patting the space next to me. She smiled and eagerly nodded, removing her guitar from my bed and resting it on the ground.

She laid down next to me, cuddling into my chest. I closed my eyes smelling her strawberry shampoo and elegant perfume. I held onto her a little tighter, not wanting to let her go. She wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her.

We laid together for who knows how long. It was pure heaven though.

A loud vibrating sound went off but only lasted for a few seconds. I hate cell phones.

"Crap." She muttered as she pushed away from me slightly to retrieve her nuisance of a phone from her back pocket. Maya clicked her phone on reading the message.

"I gotta go." Maya said as she sat up, detangling herself from me.

"But why?" I said trying to grab onto her.

"Katie needs me, but I promise we can do this again tomorrow." I laid limp on the bed, watching her gather her things.

"So I'll see you tomorrow alright?" I nodded my head sitting up to give her a hug and a kiss goodbye. Maya smiled as she kissed me.

"Bye." I whispered as I watched her leave. I heard her foot steps down the hall until I heard the front door shut.

This overwhelming feeling of dread hung over me. You know how some people claim they can see the future and what not? I swear I can see when trouble lurks, when something bad is going to happen.

It's a hard feeling to explain and not many people believe it. But I do.

And maybe if I had listened to that "feeling" I wouldn't be where am I today? It's a question I ask myself all the time.

But I can't say that, because everything that happens in my past and in my future is meant to happen. For one reason or another. No matter how hard we can try to wish something away or change the way something happened, it will always be there. Stored away in the back of our minds, only visiting on your brightest and darkest days.

And that's what hurts the most.

* * *

I am so excited about where this story is going~

Thank you guys so much for reviewing on the last chapter!

_**Review, review, review!**_

**Your feedback is very, very, very important to me! **

**If you want, you can follow my blog: **jacksdickk (Don't worry no porn is on there)


	5. Little Talks

The last song was by fun. I had some trouble finding a good song that would fit this chapter..

Oh, really quick, I set up a poll on my profile. If you want to you can go and vote for a one shot you would like to see.

If you want to submit a one shot idea to me, just send me the character and a description of what you want it to be about.

* * *

_**"Little Talks**__**"**_

* * *

All day every day, I caught myself dreaming about Maya. She was a drug that I so desperately needed. I know, I know, I sounded like a love sick fool; Well I was. I was a naïve teenage boy going through that phase of having your first love.

You know what I mean right? This undying attraction for someone, the cartoonish heartbeat you get when you see them. The butterflies that flutter throughout your whole body.

It felt like being on a soft fluffy cloud that could carry you anywhere and everywhere. It's not the best way to explain it but you get the point.

Okay, I may be starting this part of my journal , or story, off a little differently. So I figured I'd jump in and give you all a quick heads-up.

See this day was the day that started everything. The paranoia, anxiety, and most of all the immense fear that later on destroyed everything I had worked so hard for.

Anyway, that day started off as normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. I stayed in the music room with Maya and Zig during free period watching them play some songs while I worked on some homework. The two of them alternated between their original songs and other mainstream songs.

It was nice to see Maya all happy. I swear once you placed an instrument in that girls hands she ran with it. Her smile would be so large and see seemed to almost glow. Music was truly Maya's life.

She had her head down, writing something in her notebook, before she brought her head up. "All done!"

"No! Maya, what are you doing?" Zig laughed as he reached her and grabbed for the notebook in her hand's. Maya laughed and held it up higher so he couldn't reach it.

"Come on, give it to me!" He joked as he reached higher for it. She shook her head while trying to keep the notebook from him.

What he did next, I really didn't like. He wrapped his arms around her waist, as he pushed her to the floor. He basically pinned her to the ground to grab the notebook. Maya was laughing so hard, her face was turning red as she squealed.

I stopped what I was doing and watched, jealousy burning through me.

Zig didn't move but held onto Maya with one arm, while holding the notebook with his free hand. I clenched my jaw hoping to bite back a slew of curse words. He was basically laying on top of my girlfriend right in front of me!

I'll admit I was jealous of Zig, I didn't want him around my girlfriend. He kissed her once and had expressed his feelings for her, but nothing had ever happened between them. Maya and Zig have both said that was in the past and they were over it. I knew that Maya was but something inside me kept slapping me, telling me he still liked her; That he was after her.

But it's hard to just ignore these feelings. They're practically together all the time. They have a majority of their classes together, they're in a band together, and he still hangs out with Tristan and sometimes Tori. Although, I could be wrong on the Tori part.

He's around her 24/7. And I hate it.

"You happy now Zig?" Maya questioned, a silly grin plastered on her face. Zig stared down at her for a few moments before replying.

"Yep." The sound of the music room doors opening caught my attention as I turned my head, seeing Tori approach us. Zig and Maya seemed to be unaware of Tori's presence as they continued on.

"Hey, Maya you in here—Oh." Her face dropped when she saw them. I bit my lip, holding back. My current girlfriend and her best friend in a questionable position with her _ex_-boyfriend.

Zig moved away from Maya, but only slightly, just lifting his body off of her. Maya, propped herself up on her forearms, looking at Tori.

"Hey, Tori!" Maya greeted, as if_ nothing_ was happening.

Thinking back to this day, I don't understand why I didn't say anything. I was obviously upset, and I had a damn good right to be.

"Hi, Maya." Tori said quietly, her whole demeanor changing. Her eyes were cast downward, as she stood awkwardly, fiddling with the end of her dress.

Zig removed himself from Maya completely, creating a great distance between them.

_He knew exactly what he was doing_

"Hi, Tori." Zig said quietly, the hesitancy clearly present as he spoke with no true meaning behind his words. Tori looked up, staring at him as she bit her lip in anger. I could literally see the smoke billowing from her ears.

"Tor, you okay?" Maya questioned as she sat up fully, then slowly standing up and walking off the small stage.

Tori nodded her head hastily, a pool of tears were clearly visible as she held back her emotions. Tori glanced across the room, avoiding all eye contact as she spoke.

"I'm just going to uh, go. Sorry I interrupted." She turned on her heal and walked towards the doors, than sprinting down the hall.

Tori and I have never said more than a 'Hello' to each other. To sum it up, we're barely acquaintances. But being Maya's boyfriend, I knew a lot about her. She was sensitive but cared a lot for people. And I know that she truly loved Zig, but he broke her heart.

I don't know what possessed me to do this but I stood up and chased after her. I guess I felt bad about what was going on. What Zig and Maya were doing may have seemed innocent to them and perhaps a few outsiders just looking in, but it wasn't. Zig was blatantly flirting with _my_ girlfriend. And Maya just so happens to be the girl that he kissed that caused him and Tori to break up. I should have been as upset as Tori was but, I don't know, I just didn't have it in me.

I ran out through the large metal door that lead into the hallway. It was deserted and quiet. Only a few stray students wondered around as I went through, searching for Tori.

And there I found here, arms crossed, leaning against a random set of lockers. She looked at her surroundings as some tears fell down her rosy pink cheeks. She seemed to be zoned out, hidden in another world.

I took slow steps towards her, trying to make my presence known to her. She glanced my way a few times, but never fully looked at me.

I stopped just a few feet away from her feeling extremely awkward. Was I here to comfort her? Or was I here just from pure pity?

"Are you okay?" I spoke softly, trying to coax her out of this shell she seemed to have put herself in. She bit her tongue, pushing her jaw to one side as she looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head.

"Not really, Cam." She spoke with anger.

"I know what you saw in there was, well it wasn't what you probably wanted to see right?" She shook her head again.

"Not at all." She relaxed a bit, casting her eyes downward.

"I'm sure what they did meant nothing, they're just friends-"

"How can you say that!" She shouted at me.

"Clearly they aren't. When you are going quit burying your head in the sand and actually see what's happening in front of you!" I didn't know what to say. Where was this coming from?

She covered her face with her hands and slid down the lockers to the floor, stretching her legs out on the ground.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, you know me 'no filter Tori'" She said with a dry laugh. I just stood there and watched her. What more could I really do?

"I'm sorry, Cam, I didn't mean to-I'm just taking this out on you. I just really, really hate him." There was a long pause between the both of us.

"Me too." I said quietly, breaking the silence between us. She snapped her head up at me, stunned by my reply.

"Why?" I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked closer to where she sat, as I slide against the locker, copying her movements.

"What do you think? After what happened, it's just..it's just hard to forget." I looked over at her, as she stared at me.

"You're not alone in this Tori, I understand. I don't want Maya near Zig as much as you do, but I can't control her and dictate what she does. All I can do is stand by, watch, and try not to let it affect me." She nodded her head, agreeing with me.

"And I thought I was by myself in this." She whispered.

"You surely aren't. And I'm know Tristan feels the same way." I pointed out as she bit her lip, while looking at her nails while she picked at her red nail polish.

"Probably." She said with a little laugh. We both looked at each other before I asked her a question that seemed to fit the situation.

"How are you really doing since the break up?" She paused for a moment as she tried hard to find an answer. I'm not too sure if our common hate for Zig created some sort of comfort for Tori, but she seemed visibly happier. It was a difference between night and day. Maybe all she really needed was a little validation, that her feelings towards all of this was right.

"Not too good I guess. I just can't get over how someone I loved, and I thought you loved me as well, could hurt me. Turn their back on me. And with Maya of all people! I just can't seem to get over it."

"It's gonna take a while but you'll be okay. You're strong." I gave her a smile, trying to tell her that I meant what I said. In return she gave me smile as well.

I was really glad I could help someone; Best feeling in the world.

"How did you handle finding out what had happened?" I thought about her question for a moment, not too sure on how to answer her.

"I don't..really know." I said slowly, looking away from her.

"When I found out I wasn't really mad. I was just really, really sad. But I remembered that Maya and I weren't together when that happened." I looked back at Tori as she nodded her head, staring off into the desolate hallway.

"But you're not mad? Not even now?" I shrugged my shoulders not being able to reply. I couldn't really find an answer for that. Part of me was and part of me wasn't.

"You hate him though." She questioned, finally looking back at me.

"I do, but-Okay, I guess I'm still harboring some resentment towards him." I paused for a moment picking at a loose thread on my jeans.

"If I had it my way, he wouldn't even look her way. But I don't so, I'll just learn to deal with." Tori leaned back against the lockers, closing her eyes.

"When are things gonna get better?"

"I have no idea." Things were quiet, but a good kind of quiet. It's crazy to think that just a few minutes ago we had little to nothing in common, but now we do.

This may seem as though it's coming out of the blue, you know me hating Zig and all, but this has been brewing inside me since the day I met him. He's a no good rat that wants what he can't have. Maya told me a few things about him when she first met him. He's bad news.

"We should hang out sometime, just you and me. I think we have a lot more in common than we think." I looked over at her, her eyes were wide with hope. I answered before I could even think about it.

"Sounds good." Tori smiled at me as she nudged my shoulder.

"You should probably get back to Maya." I nodded, standing up, dusting myself off. I outstretched my hand to Tori as she gratefully accepted it, pulling herself up.

"I guess I'll see you later." She said giving me a smile and reached towards me, wrapping her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her waist, relaxing into her soft, comforting hug.

"Thank you." She whispered, pulling back, bringing her hands to her sides.

"Our little talk really helped me today." I gave her a small nod as I readjusted my jacket. I couldn't help but feel elated by her words.

"You're welcome." I'm really glad I could help someone. Tori crossed her arms, while looking at the clock mounted on the wall.

"Free period's gonna end soon, so I should probably get going." I nodded, looking over at the clock as well.

"Yeah, well I'll see you later." She smiled at me, before turning and heading in the opposite direction.

I took a deep breath to try and steady myself as I made it back to the music room. I could hear some hushed voices before I pushed open the door. I didn't feel like explaining what had happened or even get into an argument with either of them.

Now that I thought back, why didn't Maya go after Tori? After all she was her best friend. That was a major red flag I should have paid attention to.

"What happened Cam?" I looked up at the both of them, seeing Zig casually playing his guitar, while Maya sat at the end of the stage with her knees pushed up to her chest.

"Yeah. What happened." Zig questioned in a monotone, not looking up at me. His attention still concentrated on his guitar.

"Nothing. She's fine, I'm fine, everything's just peachy." I gave Maya the best smile I could muster up as I took my seat and continued on with my work, hoping to just forget all of it.

* * *

**xxx**

* * *

"Come on ladies, we don't have all day." Our new P.E coach, Mr. Matsko, shouted at us, as we made our laps around the ceramic gym floor. Everyone around me huffed as they tried to keep up with our coach's high demands.

I stayed at a moderate jogging pace as I tried not to wear myself out. I wasn't much of a runner, but I didn't mind it.

"Alright, that's enough! Take a few laps walking. I don't need any of you passing out." Mr. Matsko said with disgust. I relaxed as I took slow steps, placing my hands on my hips, trying to steady my breathing.

"Mr. Matsko?" A small voice said. I looked towards our coach and saw her. Her hair was put up into a messy bun as she wore tight fitting leggings. I continued to walk but slowly drifted into a small crowd hoping she wouldn't see me.

Mr. Matsko made a few audible noises as she handed him a piece of paper. "Ah-just drop your bag and get started on these laps." She gave him a small nod as she took off running, passing me right by.

After our 20 minutes of running and warm ups were done, we huddled around Mr. Matsko as he explained the proper techniques on holding and throwing a football. I drifted in and out as he talked. I already knew how to play so I didn't care too much.

"Listen up, I'm going to assign you your partner for the next uh, oh let's say 30 minutes of class. Just practice throwing the football and forth. Try not to hurt anyone, will yeah?" He looked down at his clip board, reading off the names from a list.

"Mr. Saunders and Jeanette, here's your football-" He said tossing it at me. I saw from the corner of my eye, as a girl stood up. It was that girl.

I didn't make any eye contact with her as I walked over to a clear spot in the gym. She backed a certain amount of feet away from me as I positioned my hand on the football. She opened her arms out ready to catch it. We played back and forth for a few minutes until she-_Jeanette_, spoke up.

"I'm sorry." I scrunched my eyebrows at her.

"What?" She caught the football and tucked it under her arm, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I said I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm not really sure what I said or did but I'm sorry." I crossed my arms staring at her.

"You mean it?" I questioned as she nodded her head.

"I do. Look, I just really want to be your friend since you moved here. Once I saw you play and how you carry yourself at school-I don't know, it's just hard to explain." I stayed quiet for a few moments, having her words replaying in my head.

"You just want to be my friend?"

"Yes."

"But why?" I asked. I was very curious as to why she just wanted to be my friend. I'm just a normal person, how hard could it be to just say a simple hello?

"Because, you're just so cool I guess? I can't really explain it."

"Saunders! Why the hell are you just standing there!" Jeanette threw the football towards me as I struggled to catch it but I managed.

"Fine. I'll give you a chance, okay?" She seemed floored that I actually accepted her apology. She gave me a bright smile as she jumped a little.

"Yeah! So-uh, if you didn't already know, my name is Jeanette, but you can call me Jeanie." She talked to me for the rest of the period, which I really didn't mind. She was a little odd but altogether she seems really nice. I guess she just got off on the wrong foot.

I think I may have found a new friend in this God forsaken place.

* * *

**Tons of foreshadowing in this chapter!**

_**Review, review, review!**_

**Your feedback is_ very, very, very_ important to me! **

**If you want, you can follow my blog: **jacksdickk (Don't worry no porn is on there)

**Or my Twitter (you can find me posting little stuff about upcoming stories/chapters):** heygurlfrand


	6. People

Future(or present. I'm calling him present Cam in the story and future Cam in the A/N) Cam shall be talking in this chapter, but only in the beginning.

The last song was by Of Monsters and Men. This song I heard on Dance Moms and it just fits Cam perfectly in this story (People by Audrey Ryan). So, _hintidy, hint, hint, hint_

* * *

_**"People**__**"**_

* * *

It's me, present day Cam, stopping in once again to just fill in this gap. I didn't really know how to write out what happened after that day. It's not bad I swear. It was more or less, uneventful.

Tori and I had been talking more and more each day, every phone call longer than before. It was nice to just talk to someone that wasn't involved in hockey or music. Although her incessant talk about beauty pageants and the latest fashion wore me thin, I truly did enjoy it. It was a pleasant change.

Maya and I hadn't talked as much as we usually did, but I didn't seem to notice. Now don't get me wrong, I still loved her very much, but people change, right? But now that I revaluated that particular part of my life, I noticed that we were, in a sense, closer than before. I guess a little time apart did some good to our relationship.

Jeanie and I hung out during P.E, teamed up, and what not. But other than that, we didn't see each other much outside of class.

One a side note, completely off from what was going on behind closed doors, I was struggling every day. Each day brought new and different challenges. Some ranged from typical teenage dilemmas, yet other's were personal problems that brewed within me. For instance, not finding joy in anything. Some days I could barely find the strength to get out of bed in the morning-which was not caused from an over worked day on the ice rink. Those were my worst.

I always wondered why this was happening, what could make me feel this way. No matter how much I tried to rationalize, I'd always come up empty.

Well that's all I can say right now to bring you up to speed on where I stand with everyone and everything. Okay, now back to the slowly unfolding mess that is my life.

* * *

**xxx**

* * *

**_3 weeks later_**

I opened the door to the cold ice arena. The Ice Hounds logo displayed all over. This was my real home; For now at least. The cold bitter air hit me, but brought me a joyful satisfaction of know I made it to where I strived to be for so long.

Tori trailed behind me as I made my way down the aisle, to my lucky number 13 bench. I took a seat placing my skates and bags on the ground as she sat a row behind me, covering herself with her jacket.

"God, what's the temperature in here. I'm freezing my ass off." She said with a humorous tone to her voice as she rubbed her arms, trying to keep warm.

"I don't know like, 50 degrees. I mean if you want to sit outside in the snow be my guest. I'm sure it's much warmer out there." I teased as she gave me a punch to my arm.

"Shut up." She muttered as a smile grew on her face. I learned a lot about Tori over the past few weeks. She wasn't really as high maintenance as she seemed. As she described it "It's better to put your best foot forward; So you have to look amazing!"

Which I guess is a pretty good thing. She took her pageants very seriously, hoping one day to be Miss Universe. This girl had big dreams and no one was ever going to get in her way.

"So when does practice start?" She questioned, readjusting her wool cap.

"Probably in 10 minutes or so? Are you sure you're gonna be okay hanging out here until practice is over?" Tori nodded crossing her legs, leaning forward, getting closer to me.

"I'm sure I can manage watching a bunch a boys skate around, getting all sweaty and what not. Especially number 36." I laughed, shaking my head as I reached over to grab one of my skates.

"You sure like him don't you?" I had introduced Tori to ''Number 36'' aka, Aaron, who didn't have quite as much ice time as most of the team had but he worked hard at each practice. When the two of them met, they really hit it off, and I was really happy for the both of them.

Aaron was your slightly below average jock. Five foot nine, blonde haired, blue eyed, and the typical kiss ass. But it worked for him.

"Of course I do, cheesy!" There's that nickname again. "I was actually thinking of shaking things up and asking him out. That boy is way too shy to do it himself." I chuckled at her amusing take on the situation.

"Well I'm sure he'll say yes."

"Damn right he'll say yes." She muttered, before we both broke into a fit of laughter.

I slipped my foot into my skate as I slowly laced it up, I always messed up on this part. From the corner of my eye, I could see Tori texting on her phone, while displaying an occasional smile.

A loud roar of crude, childlike noises came barreling through the ice rink. And out stumbled Luke Baker, with Owen in a head lock as they made their way down the aisle, passing by us.

"Hello ladies, mighty fine day isn't it?" Luke said with a slight slur to his voice. Owen pushed away from Luke, giving him harsh shove as the both of them almost fell over. The rest of the team always found it to be ''beneficial'' to drink a six pack before going to practice. I attended one of their little get-togethers but it just wasn't for me.

I gave them a little wave as they continued on with their buzzed partying. I always wondered how these two blockheads were even able to keep their balance on the ice, let alone make the team. At least Dallas held some type of leadership and professionalism to his work. He took every second on the ice seriously; I respected him for that.

I moved down and grabbed my large duffel bag, opening it up and retrieving my protective gear. As I suited myself up I stole a few glances at Tori. She sat perfectly poised, looking upon the rest of the arena. I had to admit she was very beautiful. The longer I thought about her, the more my mind drifted over to Zig.

How could he ever hurt her, or give up whatever he had with her?

He was a moron, and would forever be a moron.

I stood up once I had finished gearing my body up and faced Tori. She gave me a quaint smile, as her eyes darted to the growing number of players entering the ice rink. I could only guess she was waiting to see her Number 36.

"So Tor, I was gonna head to The Dot with Maya after practice, wanna tag along?" Tori shook head while rolling her eyes.

"I don't want to see Maya. At. All. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. And she hasn't even tried to talk to me. So I got her hint, loud and clear!"

"Alright, Alright." I said gently trying to calm her down. "I just thought I'd ask." I said showing slight defeat.

I stepped out into the aisle, having only slight difficulty maneuvering my skates. "Well if you change your mind Tori, my offer still stands." She nodded, not really paying attention. She then looked passed me, staring out at the ice.

I laughed before giving her a small wave. "You have fun watching your eye candy."

"Uh-huh." She replied with a dazed expression. I turned around and made my way down the remaining steps to the ice rink.

The moment my skates touched the ice my mind drifted off to Maya, as it always did. I was so excited to see her and spend some alone time with her. I'll admit, I only invited Tori to join us because I wanted her and Maya to make up. I know that if she did change her mind and decided to come, it wouldn't be sunshine and rainbows, it would be fire and lightening. But they both meant a lot to each other before everything happened. I guess I'm just trying to save their last bit of friendship that they may have left.

* * *

**xxx**

* * *

"So, how was practice?" Maya asked before taking a sip of her coke. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun-something that was very unusual for her. But she looked beautiful, regardless.

"It was alright, same as always." I said as I played with my straw.

Currently we were at The Dot, having walked here no more than 10 minutes ago. Once practice let out Tori frolicked off with Aaron. Which was perfect timing, since Maya just happened to surprise me by showing up at the ice rink. The place seemed to be pretty crowded so we were stuck with a small table at the end of the coffee shop.

"Well that sounds boring." She said with a small laugh. I shrugged my shoulders, in a way, agreeing with her.

She shifted slightly in her seat, stretching her arm over the table to grab my hand. She intertwined her fingers with mine. My heart skipped a few beats, as my face flushed.

Maya gave me a smile, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear.

"So Cam, I was sorta wondering-" She said, grabbing my other hand, moving them back and forth.

"Imogen's having a party at her girlfriend's loft and I was sort of wondering if you wanted to go as my date." Her invitation surprised me, but only slightly. I was more than happy to go with her.

"I'd love to, yeah. Who else is gonna be there?" Maya thought for a moment.

"The band and a few other people." I stayed quiet for a while, realizing who would be there. Zig. Should I bring it up? Or just leave it alone?

"Cool, so the party's on Friday around 7ish." Crap. At least I have 3 days to mentally prepare for this.

"Sounds great." I said, holding back.

"I can't wait, I am so excited. I heard there's gonna be a DJ there. Ah! I can't wait!" Maya squealed and continued on. My mind wondered off to the party and what could possibly happen.

Zig would be around her, no doubt about that. He would ask her to dance while I sit in the corner, watching all this happen. He would lean down and kiss her where she would be swept off her feet. Things would end for us there. She would begin to pull away and soon she would leave me.

I can't think like this, I just can't. It's not safe. Why should I put myself through such torture. These are scenarios on creating in my mind based solely on assumptions.

Nothing is going on between them.

"-Since our band is finally off break, Mo wants to start working on some new songs. I've already got a few written up." I bit my lip, only hearing very little of what she said.

"Was it in that notebook?" I questioned. I don't know why I asked her, but it just came out like word vomit. "The one that Zig wanted to look at few weeks ago?"

Maya scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. The realization slowly setting in.

"Oh-no Cam, I was writing the songs in there but. How do I put this, Zig is pushy. You know that about him. I've been talking about this one song for a very long time and he wanted to see it." I nodded slightly, withdrawing my hands from hers. She refused keeping a firm grip.

"Cam, I know you're upset." I looked into her ocean blue eyes. "Listen I'm with you, not Zig. I chose you remember?" I nodded my head, remembering back to that day.

And she was right. After everything that happened, she came running to me. Not Zig.

"I know it's just..It's just something that I can't get out of my mind." Maya sighed, gently rubbing her thumb against the backside of my hand.

"I understand that. I would be upset, too." She unexpectedly stood up, releasing my hands. She grabbed her chair and brought it over to my side of our small table. She took her seat and wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning herself against me.

I rested my head against hers, wrapping my own arm around her. I pulled Maya closer to me, taking in her strawberry scent.

"I'm sorry." She muttered.

"I know you are. I forgave you long ago." I whispered to her, feeling her grip around me tighten.

I wish things could stay like this forever.

* * *

Am I rushing this story? gaahhhhh *sits in corner*

On a side note, I _**will**_ be updating more. The reason for that is, I finally decided to pick my minor for college. It's going to be Professional Writing. I feel as though I'm lacking with my updates and stories, so this can help me strengthen my writing abilities. I don't push myself enough. Plus, this will be good practice for college.

Also, really quick, I set up a poll on my profile. If you want to you can go and vote for a one shot you would like to see.

_**Review, review, review!**_

**If you want, you can follow my blog and/or twitter: **jacksdickk and heygurlfrand


	7. Bleeding Out

Cam's dead. I was sad for so long. _Important A/N at the end_

Here's chapter 7

_**Feedback is super important!**_

* * *

**_"Bleeding Out"_**

* * *

"So how are you and Miss Maya?" Jeanie asked as we sat on the side lines to our mini football game. Currently, our team was sitting out until the next team lost.

"We're good." I replied, keeping watch of the football game.

"That's good. Have you talked to her about that guy, Zig?" I shrugged, looking towards her.

"Yeah. We, talked and she reassured me. It was comforting." Jeanie crossed her legs turning her body towards me.

"Did you at least tell her how you feel?" I shrugged, once again.

"Campbell! Why? You need to tell her."

"I don't need to-It's taken care of, alright? I trust her." I said in a stern tone, hoping she would get the hint. She bit her bottom lip, hesitantly nodding her head.

"Fine." She said pausing for a moment. "But aren't you worried it'll happen again?"

I stayed quiet, not wanting to answer. Of course I feared that it could happen again, but I have to constantly reassure myself that she cares about me. That she loves me. Besides it happened when we broke up. I'm just being paranoid.

"Yeah, but- Can we just drop it." She huffed, resting her chin against her hand, as she watched the game..

"You doing anything after school." She asked, not making eye contact.

"No, not really." I said leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Why?" I questioned, turning my head towards her.

"Little Miss Steaks? I'm starving and I could really use a burger." She said with little laugh, not moving much as she looked at me.

"Yeah, sure I guess. I could use a burger too." For some reason I felt like I was cheating on Maya. Going to lunch with a friend doesn't mean anything. I'm assuming it was my strong irrational fear of losing her.

"Awesome!" She said enthusiastically.

"And maybe a milkshake." I looked at her and smiled, pretending to match her enthusiasm.

"Ugh! All this fatty food is making me weak. This is what a strict dance career can do to you." She laughed while uncrossing her legs.

"How do you dancers do it anyway? I mean I can eat whatever I want, but you guys have to stay to a strict diet." Jeanie shrugged her shoulders, acting as if it were no big deal.

"It's hard but the difference is, our bodies are meant to display art. We have to keep in shape." I nodded my head agreeing with her. A dancer's life was a hard one.

"Saunders! Your teams up! Hurry and switch out!" I groaned internally while looking over at Jeanie.

"Let's go-we can finish this little conversation later." A small part of me was excited for our little lunch. I'm not sure why, but I was.

**xxx**

"God, my legs are killing me!" Jeanie complained as we made our way through the hallway. Gym had ended 5 minutes ago but I stayed behind to wait for her. Usually I would have caught up with Maya, but I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to rush to her.

"We barely even played." I said with slight humor lacing my voice.

"So? I had a 6 hour dance practice last night." She replied, playfully slapping my arm. I put his hands up, surrendering.

"Alright, alright, you have a good point." I said with a small laugh, placing my hands in my pockets. As we rounded the corner I spotted Maya. Her face lit up instantly, giving me a small wave before running towards me.

I opened my arms as she collided with my chest. I held onto her, closing my eyes for a few seconds. The world around me disappeared. The loud chatter that surrounded us was silenced.

It was pure bliss.

"Hey you." She giggled, giving me a small kiss. She pulled back, just a little, but still held onto me. "How are things?" Maya asked with a wide smile present on her face.

From the corner of my eyes I saw Jeanie cross her arms. I then looked over at Maya's locker seeing Zig staring back at me.

It was really odd that I had noticed both of them at the same time, when only moments ago I was sucked into a world that only Maya and I belonged in.

"Come on!" She said while pulling away from me and grabbing my hand. She gave a small glance towards Jeanie, tugging me along towards her locker. I looked over at Jeanie and nodded my head towards Maya, asking her to come along with us. She looked around a little, wrapping her jacket around her body as she agreed to follow.

Zig was leaning against her locker, looking pissed off. Did I care? Not exactly.

"So, remember that party I was telling you about the other day? Well it got moved to tonight, so you still up for it?" Maya smiled brightly, as she awaited my reply.

"But it's a school night!"

"So? It's not going to be an all nighter. It's just a little hang out." Maya tightened her grip on my hand, while impatiently biting her lip.

"Okay, fine." I said giving up. Maya squealed a little, jumping slightly from her excitement.

"I am so excited! And uh-If you want to come that's fine too." She said turning towards Jeanie. Jeanie looked confused but then quickly declined.

"I can't-I don't want to intrude."

"You won't be." I whispered to her. She stared at me for a few moments, before looking over at Maya.

"Are you sure? "

"Positive!" Maya said without hesitation.

Jeanie bit her lip while crossing her arms. "Uh, sure. Sounds good."

I smiled at Jeanie as I began to feel a little excitement over the party. A loud cough interrupted us as I looked up, seeing Zig leaning against Maya's locker with his arms now crossed. He stared me down, giving me a murderous look. I felt like he was going to skin me alive with a smile on his face.

"Um, Maya and I were talking." He said with anger lacing his voice. Maya looked over at Zig, giving him a confused expression.

"You know you don't control her Cam." Venom poured out with his words. They hit me hard, rippling through my body.

I felt frozen. I couldn't move, I couldn't say anything back.

"Zig!" Maya snapped back at him, turning her attention towards me.

"Just ignore him." She whispered. I nodded my head, clearing my throat. "Yeah, I will." I replied looking around the hallways, avoiding Zig's stare.

"Hey, well I have to go. Jeanie and I were going to Little Miss Steaks for a bite to eat. We'll see you at the party though, okay?" Maya nodded as she leaned forward giving me a small kiss.

"See you then." She whispered. I smiled at her before she let go of my hand and walked back towards Zig, giving me a small wave.

All while Zig continued his menacing glare.

**xxx**

**3 hours later**

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Jeanie asked as we approached the building where the party was.

"Yeah-It should be." She looked over at me and gave me a nervous glance.

"What are you scared?" I said as I walked up to entrance opening it.

"No, what makes you say that?" I held the door open for her as she followed behind me. I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I looked around the lobby.

"You're super nervous." She shook her head, while hitting the up button to the elevator.

"Wouldn't you be? I don't know any of these people!"

"Well neither do I, I mean-These are my girlfriend's friends. I don't know any of them." The ding of the elevator made me look up at the small light above it.

"So you invited me so you wouldn't be alone?" I shrugged, smiling a little. The doors opened as the both of us stepped inside. I hit the level '3' button with my knuckle as I looked over at her.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." I gave her another smile as she blushed a little. I faced the elevator doors, upon hearing the ding. We stayed quiet on the ride up until the doors opened. I let Jeanie walk ahead of me as I kept my arm across the doors preventing them from closing on her.

"Well either way I'm glad you did. I'm already having a blast and the party hasn't even started yet."

"I'm glad, because I'm having fun too." I gave her a grin as I stopped walking and faced her. Jeanie mimicked my actions, but instead, stepping a little closer to me.

I didn't know to phrase this without sounding like I was interested in her romantically. I just really cared about her as a friend. She was slowly becoming a big part of my life. It may sound sudden, but that's how I felt.

"You're the only one I would've invited." A smile grew on her face.

"You mean it?" I shrugged giving her a coy look.

"Do you think I mean it?" The both of us laughed as we continued walking. We both stopped upon noticing a couple kissing, their bodies were pressed close together. As we walked closer I got a better look at the girl.

But it wasn't just any girl. It was Maya. _My Maya_.

Jeanie grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back but I gently pushed her away. Maya and the boy, were still unaware of our presence.

"I love you." He whispered to her.

"I know." She replied. A smile was present as her fingers were intertwined in his hair. Her forehead was resting against his as they shared a few small kisses. The boy then pulled away from her which allowed the light to illuminate his face.

That's when I lost it.

"What the _fuck _is going on!" I shouted at the both of them. Maya jumped and looked towards me. Her face dropped when she realized who I was and what was going on.

Zig looked over at me with a surprised look on his face. I looked between the both of them, neither of them saying anything. Then Maya slowly removed herself from Zig.

I shook my head in disbelief. What I was seeing could not be true. If I closed my eyes all of this would disappear. But this was all too real.

"Cam I'm sorry!-" I didn't want to hear it. She was a stranger to me. My trust was broken; Everything we had was gone.

"Just shut up okay?" I whispered to her, looking over at Zig. He stood there with a smug look. Is this what he set out to accomplish? Was this some long drawn out plan to take Maya from me. My mind raced through everything that could have led to this.

Was it my lack of affection towards her? Did she just plain not like me? Did Zig despise me so much that he wanted to shatter my world?

Zig took a few confident strides towards Maya, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She crossed her arms looking away from him.

"The truth's out, huh?"

"Zig, just stop it." Maya muttered.

"What?" He looked at me with a smirk on his face while he talked to Maya. "_Babe_, it's gonna be okay."

He wanted me to suffer.

I felt Jeanie touching my shoulder beginning to pull me back again. This time I didn't stop her.

"Come on." She whispered to me as I turned, yet keeping my eyes on Maya. "Let's just leave."

I glanced between Jeanie and Maya, just waiting for Maya to say something; Anything to justify why this was happening.

But she didn't. She stayed with him.

Jeanie tugged me a little harder before I reluctantly gave in. She walked me towards the elevator, wrapping her arm around me.

"Hey, look at me." She said in a calm voice. "Everything will be fine."

The doors opened, while Jeanie walked me in.

"Cam? Are you okay?" She whispered, "Don't let her affect you like this."

I took a deep breath as I looked at her. "How can you say that?" I said as my chin quivered. I pursed my lips trying to keep myself under control, to keep the tears back.

"I don't want you to be upset over this-"

"How the hell can I not be upset over this?" I questioned raising my voice. I rested against the wall, rubbing my face out of frustration.

The elevator doors opened, but Jeanie hit the "close doors" button while hitting a random level, giving us some privacy.

"Cam-"

"No." I said raising my hand, silencing her. My head hung low as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I trusted her! Everything was a fucking lie!" I shouted, losing my temper. I stood up straight, giving a swift punch to the metal elevator wall next to me.

It hurt like hell, but the pain was a relief; It calmed me.

I sunk to the floor, as I began to cry. I couldn't stop myself. She wrapped her arms around me rocking me back and forth.

It astounds me how things can go from amazing to awful in a matter of seconds. But little did I know, I'd have many more of these moments.

And that, in-itself, is enough to make a person crack.

* * *

_**A/N:** So Campbell "Puppy" Saunders is dead. I am still in shock, but I'm slowly accepting the fact that he's gone. This story **will** continue on. I'm still debating on changing the ending or not. So, those of you who are sticking with this story, thank you so much. I love you all!_

**If you want, you can follow me on Tumblr: **jacksdickk


	8. Die Young

_**So this chapter is titled after the song, Die Young by Ke$ha. But it's the decontrustructed version._

_Also, I don't really think many people care about this story anymore (okay, well a few do). To be honest, I just want to get this story over with._

_There's only gonna be 20-25 chapters. So. Let's see how it goes. I already have the ending mapped out, and I'm pretty excited for it._

* * *

**_"Die Young"_**

* * *

5 days since my life changed forever. The moment I became single, the moment I lost her and all trust for anyone.

The pain was horrific. I couldn't hide from it. It's as though things had multiplied to epic proportions. It was a virus that multiplied and spread like wild fire through me. My body, too weak to fight back.

I begged my billet mom to let me stay behind. She was reluctant to agree. And I was more than happy when she allowed it. I repaid her with a few extra chores here and there.

I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. I thought staying still could maybe numb the pain. But it didn't work; Nothing worked.

When I close my eyes I can still see them together. The way she touched him and he touched her. The way she whispered to him, and his response.

It was overwhelming.

A few soft footsteps brought me out of my train of thought as I looked up, seeing someone I didn't really expect to see. Tori.

I propped myself up on my elbows, wiping me face a little, hoping to get rid of any tears that may have fallen.

"Hey." She said in a quiet voice. "Your billet mom let me in, and I heard what happened between you and Maya."

I fell back on the bed not wanting to hear what she had to say.

"She's wrong for what you did."

"I know." I muttered.

"Maya is a bitch, you need to forget her. You saw what she did to me-how she ruined my relationship Zig!"

"How do you even know it was her that initiated that kiss? It could have been Zig, I mean-Maya wouldn't do this." I said as I sat up, shaking my head.

"Cam! Wake the hell up and join us in the real world. Your ex-girlfriend cheated on you. Again. Sure the first time might not have count in your mind but it happened."

"It's just hard to believe."

"I know it is. But dwelling on the past and what you could have done to stop this isn't going to help you. Move forward and put her in your past. And make sure she stays there."

I looked away from her, not wanting that to happen.

My mind began to wander. I thought about a life without Maya. Just forgetting her. The memories, the love, the happiness. But the pain, the anger, and the betrayal seemed to outweigh everything.

"Cam? It's okay to be upset. It is. I was this way over Zig, but look at me-" She said spreading her arms apart. "I'm fine, better than fine! Amazing! Fantastic! All of the above!"

"It's gonna be hard." I whispered, fiddling with my hands. I slowly looked up at her. The way the soft glow of the light danced across her elegant features. She looked gorgeous.

"I know. But guess what? You have me." Tori said with a smile as she grabbed my hands, intertwining them with hers.

I don't really know what happened next or what took over me but I leaned over and stole a soft kiss. A little shocked, she didn't reply. She didn't do anything except stare at me. It wasn't an angry look she was giving me but more a soft, happy look. It made me get butterflies.

And then her lips were on mine.

I can't remember how long we kissed for, but it was long enough to make me forget. I don't know if I truly wanted to kiss her or I wanted the pain to go away.

Did I use her? I don't really know. But what I do know is, I want to be around her.

I've had this feeling for a while now and I kind of like it. I'm not saying I've had feelings for Tori, but more of her being a fantastic friend.

"Cam?" Tori whispered as she broke apart from me, yet still keeping close to me.

"Yeah." I said softly as I opened my eyes.

"What-What does this mean for us?"

"I don't really know." I paused for a moment, looking her right in the eyes. "I like it."

She smiled a big toothy grin-which she wore beautifully, before placing her hand on my neck and pulling me towards her. She kissed me with such force, such initiative that I could help the shiver than ran up my spine. I had never felt anything like this.

Time flew by once again, but sadly she had to leave. Her mother had called up worried about where she was.

I kissed her goodbye.

And I didn't regret a thing.

**x**

**x**

This morning was a memorable morning. One that I will always remember.

It was the first time I didn't wake up sad. I felt confident in where I stood in my relationships-with anyone. The pain that Maya caused me is nothing but a dull ache at this point.

It's been less than a week since the break up, and I know I should still be upset, but I'm not. And I am not going to question it. Everyone grieves over a break up differently. I did my share, now I'm done.

It's time for my turn to have some happiness.

I walked up the steps to Degrassi, skimming over the crowd of passing students. I unknowingly looked for Tori, in hopes that things would be the way they were last night.

"Cam?" I turned around at the sound of my name, only to be hit in the chest. Okay, not literally, but that's how it felt. Maya stood in front of me, looking as sad as can be. She had bags under her eyes and her hair seemed a little greasy. As if things weren't too well in her world.

"Yes?" I said in a calm tone.

"Can we talk?" She looked scared, as she bit her lip.

"About what?"

"Don't act like you don't know." She whispered trailing off.

"Wait-you mean when you-Oh! How could I forget." I turned my body out slightly to face the rest of the students. "When you cheated on me with your best friend." I said in a loud voice grabbing everyone's attention.

"Nah, we don't. There is nothing to talk about. Your actions made it very clear." I whispered to her before storming through the front doors of the school, until I felt a tug on my jacket.

"No, we need to talk about this!" She shouted at me.

"No! We don't!" She rolled her eyes as I looked around us, noticing a crowd that was forming.

"Cam! I'm sorry okay? I'm not going to tell you that it's not what it looked like or that it meant nothing! It was a mistake and I really regret it!"

"If you did, than you wouldn't be acting like this!" I snapped back at her. "If you really think it was a mistake you wouldn't have let it continue on!" I took a few steps towards her, trying to contain myself. The pain was back, the flashes of that came running through my head. How the two of them seemed like two desperate lovers. That they needed one another. It made me sick.

"If I asked you right now, how long you two have been together, that would surely be a lie!" I shook my head looking down at my feet while placing my hands in my pockets, slowly trying to come down from my anger high.

"But Cam-"

"Just stop. I'm leaving and we are done. Don't ever come near me again, okay?" I didn't know what else I could say to her. How else I could convey my emotions, to show her how much I hated her.

But do I really hate Maya though? What I was feeling right now was real. The more I stayed near her, the more I retreated back into my dark hole.

All I could do at that moment was turn around and leave. I had enough of her. As I walked away I could some whispering and the sound of Maya beginning to cry.

I could already feel the gossip brewing in the school. To be honest, I liked it. Giving her a taste of her own medicine would be the best thing. And possibly dating her ex-best friend too. Both combined would be catastrophic for her.

Which I guess is what I was going for.

I needed to leave so I walked as fast as I could until the noise died down and the students weaned out to just a few.

And then I found her. She was at her locker fixing her hair. A big smile formed on my face as I walked towards her, hoping she would notice me.

It worked.

She looked up at me, a smile instantly forming.

"Hey you." She said, grabbing the sides of my jacket and pulled me towards her, planting a kiss on my lips. I tangled my fingers in her hair. I could feel her smile against my lips.

We pulled apart from each other creating a light smacking noise.

"Good morning." She whispered, rubbing her nose against mine. I smiled, moving my hands from her hair down to her neck.

"Good morning to you too." I said in a normal voice, removing myself from her. I moved around her, leaning myself against one of the lockers beside her.

"So whatcha up to?" I said as I pursed my lips while reaching forward and twirling a strand of her hair between my fingers.

"Just stuff." She said, looking in her mirror. She sighed, closing her locker and turning towards me, mimicking my posture.

"Are we still okay?" I scrunched my eyebrows together, a little confused by what she was saying.

"What do you mean? I think that kiss we just shared might answer your question." I said with a grin as she smacked my arm while blushing.

"No! I mean, like, I'm not just your rebound." She said in a low voice. "That I'm more than just your friend."

I honestly didn't know if I could say yes to what she was saying. I mean, a week ago we were just friends, nothing more.

But now, I see things in a whole new light. My spirit had been renewed. And it was all thanks to Tori.

"Of course you're not my rebound." I said in a slightly playful voice.

"I mean, of course the timing seems a little bad but." I paused for a moment, coming up with something to say. "I like what's going on here. It's nice. And, I've never been this happy before. Ever."

I could not, for the life of me, figure out if I was lying or not.

But it felt right.

* * *

**I know, I know. It was awful. What ever. Needless to say, I've given up on this story.**

**lemme make a stupid joke really quick**

_**Cam is up up in a cloud**_

**that is a two sided hint. take it or leave it.**

**oh, and reviews are still very must appreciated! :3**

**If you want, you can follow me on Tumblr: **jacksdickk


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